Ballpark news and views
This space will be used for weekly manager reports on the games just played. As long as it does not become to tedious I will attempt to keep it up to date.
Not all managers write up game summaries, which is probably a good thing. For those that do, we’ll try.
throw out the ceremonial pitch! He had on so many bright colors that sunglasses were rendered useless. His pitch was called a “quite liberal” strike on the far outside corner. The applause that followed was deafening! Thank you, “NEON” for brightening our day! (See attached action photo.)|
Tuesday Green |
| Kwong, Cecil – Manager |
| Cook, Desiree |
| Craft, Stan |
| Ferguson, David |
| Ferguson, Doug |
| Hill, Jim |
| Kuykendall, Dave |
| Shaver, Lynn |
| Small, Curtis |
| Thomas, Dwight |
| Watkins, Bobby (sub) |
|
Thursday Green |
| Madden, Mike – Manager |
| Bedwell, David |
| Cheek, Phillip (sub) |
| Easterwood, Harold |
| Kilgore, Tom (sub) |
| Laskowski, Bill |
| Lathem, Frankie (sub) |
| Lilla, Mark |
| Little, Glen |
| Ray, Ken |
| Taylor, David (sub) |
This should be a very competitive series. Try to come out and support your fellow players next week. Thanks. HDR
October 28, 2022
allstate insurance rep.,the mayhem man,has his sights on wrecking the sec east
October 20, 2022 (Liberty Park Coliseum) Herb
The frost had burned off the grass under a bright fall sun but the temperature hovered around 50 degrees, barely warm enough for the chichi bats RASSA leaguers use. 22Blue’s lone fan was walking briskly around the stadium trying to stay warm while the players tossed balls around waiting for the game to start. Jim Anderson was last to arrive, claiming to have been stuck behind a lawn mower and Chuck Killough asked him why he was driving on a lawn. Jim pitched the first inning in his slippers, not having left time to put on his cleats.
The Sky Blue sluggers started the game hot, hitting the ball sharply where it couldn’t be caught. Blue batters also hit the ball hard but lofted long flies to Sky Blue outfielders and didn’t get a hit until Larry Enzweiler’s line drive in the second inning. Curt Small followed with another and Cindy Sewell drove in a run with a single up the middle. It was Sky Blue 8, Blue 1 after two innings.
Blue played catchup the rest of the game, helped by a dozen walks by the two Sky Blue pitchers. Blue outscored Sky Blue 19 to 16 in the rest of the game but fell short in the end because they could not follow the Killough plan for victory. Behind 18 to 12 in the bottom of the sixth inning, Chuck laid out the plan. “We just gotta score five runs this inning to get close and then shut ‘em out in the top of the seventh. Then we score two runs in our half of the seventh and we’ll win.” It was a fine plan and Blue led off with a ground ball out, just to tease Sky Blue. Then Herman Bell hit a double to the fence, Slanovits singled, Enzweiler walked, Curt Small drove in a run with a fielder’s choice, Whitmire singled, Anderson drove in a run with a walk, Cindy Sewell drove in two runs with a single, and Killough drove in the fifth run. Sky Blue 18, Blue 17 after 6 innings.
The next step in the Killough plan failed. Sky Blue kept hitting the ball where it couldn’t be caught and scored 6 runs before Herman Bell caught a line drive and turned a grounder into a double play. Blue needed more than two runs to complete the plan. Bill Lovell and David Ferguson singled and Mike Richards walked to start the inning. Herman Bell drove in Lovell with a long sacrifice fly, and Bob Slanovits drove in another run with a sacrifice grounder to the pitcher. Then Larry Enzweiler got his fourth hit of the game and so did Curt Small, but Ed Girard snagged Holly’s grounder up the middle to end the game, Sky Blue 24, Blue 20.
After the first two innings, Blue had one of its best hitting games of the year, going 26 for 40 for a .650 batting average. Twelve walks produced an on-base percentage of .731. The gallant Blue subs contributed 11 hits including a David Ferguson home run, and 10 runs batted in, 4 for David, 4 for Cindy and 2 for Curt. Larry Enzweiler and Cindy Sewell were both 4 for 4. Jim Anderson also had a perfect day at the plate, going 1 for 1 on a shot up the middle, and walking three times to drive in two runs.
The clubhouse was empty after the game. Most of the players were playing for other teams in the second round of games and the rest headed to warmer places. Handsome Herb had the best buffet of the season to himself, but only nibbled at the banana pudding. Proving he has things to say whether or not he has an audience, he mulled over the season out loud. “This was a strange year. We had as many cancelled games as we had wins and it’s hard to keep continuity when you go three weeks or longer between games. But everyone on the team did their best and encouraged each other. John Woychak, Chuck Killough, Bill Lovell, Bob Slanovits, Tom Kilgore and Herman Bell all batted over .600 for the year; John batted over .700. Tom led the team with 37 hits and Woychak had 36. Mike Richards led the team with 40 RBIs; Tom was next highest with 26 and Larry had 23. Our defense was solid all year. Holly Whitmire goes all out on every play. Jim Anderson and Dennis Horne hung in all year as our primary battery; Jim only threw up his hands in frustration a few times. It’s a hitters’ league. We won the games when we hit well, we lost when we didn’t. Hats off to all our subs, especially David Ferguson, who played five games with us.”
Handsome Herb headed for the parking lot. “We got through the year without any serious injuries, and I hope everyone makes it back next year. We are extraordinarily lucky to be among people who still take pleasure in playing a game to win while having fun being alive.”
October 20, 2022 (Liberty Park Coliseum) Rel
The frost had burned off the grass under a bright fall sun but the temperature hovered around 50 degrees, barely warm enough for the chichi bats RASSA leaguers use. 22Blue’s lone fan was walking briskly around the stadium trying to stay warm while the players tossed balls around waiting for the game to start. Jim Anderson was last to arrive, claiming to have been stuck behind a lawn mower and Chuck Killough asked him why he was driving on a lawn. Jim pitched the first inning in his slippers, not having left time to put on his cleats.
The Sky Blue sluggers started the game hot, hitting the ball sharply where it couldn’t be caught. Blue batters also hit the ball hard but lofted long flies to Sky Blue outfielders and didn’t get a hit until Larry Enzweiler’s line drive in the second inning. Curt Small followed with another and Cindy Sewell drove in a run with a single up the middle. It was Sky Blue 8, Blue 1 after two innings.
Blue played catchup the rest of the game, helped by a dozen walks by the two Sky Blue pitchers. Blue outscored Sky Blue 19 to 16 in the rest of the game but fell short in the end because they could not follow the Killough plan for victory. Behind 18 to 12 in the bottom of the sixth inning, Chuck laid out the plan. “We just gotta score five runs this inning to get close and then shut ‘em out in the top of the seventh. Then we score two runs in our half of the seventh and we’ll win.” It was a fine plan and Blue led off with a ground ball out, just to tease Sky Blue. Then Herman Bell hit a double to the fence, Slanovits singled, Enzweiler walked, Curt Small drove in a run with a fielder’s choice, Whitmire singled, Anderson drove in a run with a walk, Cindy Sewell drove in two runs with a single, and Killough drove in the fifth run. Sky Blue 18, Blue 17 after 6 innings.
The next step in the Killough plan failed. Sky Blue kept hitting the ball where it couldn’t be caught and scored 6 runs before Herman Bell caught a line drive and turned a grounder into a double play. Blue needed more than two runs to complete the plan. Bill Lovell and David Ferguson singled and Mike Richards walked to start the inning. Herman Bell drove in Lovell with a long sacrifice fly, and Bob Slanovits drove in another run with a sacrifice grounder to the pitcher. Then Larry Enzweiler got his fourth hit of the game and so did Curt Small, but Ed Girard snagged Holly’s grounder up the middle to end the game, Sky Blue 24, Blue 20.
After the first two innings, Blue had one of its best hitting games of the year, going 26 for 40 for a .650 batting average. Twelve walks produced an on-base percentage of .731. The gallant Blue subs contributed 11 hits including a David Ferguson home run, and 10 runs batted in, 4 for David, 4 for Cindy and 2 for Curt. Larry Enzweiler and Cindy Sewell were both 4 for 4. Jim Anderson also had a perfect day at the plate, going 1 for 1 on a shot up the middle, and walking three times to drive in two runs.
The clubhouse was empty after the game. Most of the players were playing for other teams in the second round of games and the rest headed to warmer places. Handsome Herb had the best buffet of the season to himself, but only nibbled at the banana pudding. Proving he has things to say whether or not he has an audience, he mulled over the season out loud. “This was a strange year. We had as many cancelled games as we had wins and it’s hard to keep continuity when you go three weeks or longer between games. But everyone on the team did their best and encouraged each other. John Woychak, Chuck Killough, Bill Lovell, Bob Slanovits, Tom Kilgore and Herman Bell all batted over .600 for the year; John batted over .700. Tom led the team with 37 hits and Woychak had 36. Mike Richards led the team with 40 RBIs; Tom was next highest with 26 and Larry had 23. Our defense was solid all year. Holly Whitmire goes all out on every play. Jim Anderson and Dennis Horne hung in all year as our primary battery; Jim only threw up his hands in frustration a few times. It’s a hitters’ league. We won the games when we hit well, we lost when we didn’t. Hats off to all our subs, especially David Ferguson, who played five games with us.”
Handsome Herb headed for the parking lot. “We got through the year without any serious injuries, and I hope everyone makes it back next year. We are extraordinarily lucky to be among people who still take pleasure in playing a game to win while having fun being alive.”
a seesaw game against the red machine
Herb McClure
September 15, 2022 (Liberty Park Stadium)
After a long hot summer, cool dry air flowed in from the north. Fans and players arrived under a cobalt sky with puffy white clouds drifting by on a cool fall breeze. Thursday Blue had not played in a month as rain, a scheduled bye, and an unwelcome event cancelled three games. In a fitful season, Blue came into the game with 7 wins, 7 losses, and 8 cancellations all of which would have been wins if they had been played, at least according to Handsome Herb. “The way I see it”, he said before the game, “we’re way ahead a everybody else and should coast into the playoffs in first place.”
“The way I see it”, Dennis Horne said to Holly, “Handsome Herb is gettin’ paid 50 percent more than he should for the number of games he’s managed.”
Holly laughed. “Explain that math to me.”
Rookie Ken Sransky stepped in for Herman Bell who missed out on his trip to Miami and went to the doctor instead. He said he has to stop eating sugar but he can’t because his wife won’t give him anything else unless he takes her to Puerto Rico so he’s going back for another opinion.
Mike Richards started the game at pitcher because Jim Anderson and Dennis Horne were late arriving to the ballpark. Their excuse was implausible, and Mike held the Green monsters to two runs. Then Chuck Killough, John Woychak, Tom Kilgore, Mike Richards, Bob Slanovits and Larry Enzweiler all got hits but Blue only scored three runs.
Anderson and Horne finally arrived and the Blue defense held Green to two more. Then Anderson hit a shot to left, Holly and Ken walked and Chuck drove them all in with a double. Then Chuck snuck home while the Green third baseman threw out Woychak at first. Blue 7, Green 4 after two.
Jim Anderson gave up his body for the team in the third. One of the Green monsters hit a line drive that hit Jim’s thigh before he could react. Jim’s thigh being what it is, the ball didn’t bounce very far but Jim didn’t either. Jim grunted. “I’m a military veteran. We laugh off pain. Gimme the ball.” Green scored one when Holly yelled, “I can’t see it.” at a ball falling out of the sun. The umpire told her to duck if she couldn’t see it. Blue went down on three grounders. Blue 7, Green 5 after three.
Jim’s shorts were wet when he limped to the mound in the fourth. “That’s melt water from the ice I put on my thigh,” he yelled at no one in particular and blanked Green in the third. Horne opened Blue’s fourth with a walk but a fly and a double play ended the inning where it started.
The Green monsters unloaded a few bombs in the fifth driving Blue outfielders to the warning track. Tom Kilgore fought off the sun to catch towering shots but he couldn’t get them all and Green scored four. Ken Sransky and Chuck Killough got hits to open the Blue fifth and Bill Lovell hit a line shot that got past the Green outfield for a home run to clear the bases. Blue 10, Green 9 after five.
The Blue defense is famed for solid play and good decisions, but not in the Green sixth. Green kept hitting the ball and Blue gave them extra bases with late throws that were off target. The extra bases eliminated force out opportunities and made longer throws necessary. Blue couldn’t get out of the inning and Green scored five. Bob Slanovits and Larry Enzweiler opened the Blue sixth with hits and Bob scored on a fielder’s choice, but the inning ended when a runner went too far. Now Blue was behind, 11 to 14.
The bottom of Green’s batting order came through with hits in the open seventh and Blue had to get the monsters at the top of the order out, but not before Green scored four more. The situation looked grim to the remaining Blue fan. Ken Sransky walked to start the inning and got forced at second on a fielder’s choice. Then Lovell, Woychak, Kilgore, Richards, Slanovits, and Enzweiler got hits, but a base running error and a fielder’s choice put an end to things and Blue lost the game, 15 to 18.
The entire buffet was covered with banana pudding. “We had some leftovers from the picnic”, Handsome Herb explained, “and I knew how much the O’Slanovits’ regretted having to miss the picnic, so I brought some to the clubhouse.” He leaned on the side of the ice bath where Jim was freezing his thigh. “We showed a little rust today and got overanxious at times, tryin’ to make difficult plays instead a holdin’ the runners back so we’d have easy force plays. But we made a lotta good plays too. Fortunately, our one injury didn’t hurt our team speed any. That’s gonna be a gruesome bruise.”
Blue batters were 20 for 37 with 4 walks for a .544 team average and a .585 on base percentage. Chuck, Bob and Larry were 3 for 4 and Jim went 2 for 3. Chuck and Bill both drove in 3 runs.
Henry Rumble 9/18
Homer Bluebomb: RASSA Tribune, September 13,2022
It was a gorgeous day in the low 80s with a nice breeze at Liberty Park Field. The GREEN MACHINE came roaring out of the gate with 5 runs in the top of the first, and it looked like the mighty hitting team was off to an easy victory over the BOMBERS. The home team fans were beginning to head for the exists very early. Not so fast my friends. Spoiler alert: Didn’t happen. The BOMBERS quietly came to bat and scored its 5 runs in the bottom of the first. This brief scoring competition came to a screeching halt in the top of the second when the MACHINE put up a 0 and then only scored 3 runs the remainder of the game. On the other side of the ledger the BOMBERS continued to show their pre-picnic barbecue hunger by scoring the maximum 5 runs for the next 3 innings for a total of 20 runs while making only 2 outs (1 in the third and 1 in the fourth). It was like 4 open innings in a row.
Pete Manown 9/18
The Red Tide Rolls again! The Big Red Machinists awoke from their September slumber with bats ablaze! They pummeled the overconfident Golds aka Duffy‘s Doormats into well-deserved submission. The Red‘s seventh inning, come-from-behind explosion erased an underwhelming 16-12 Gold lead and resulted in a stunning 17-16 walkoff victory that had the fans in the packed stands roaring with delight.
Cecil Kwong, who delayed the start of the game while hiding in a bathroom stall, was the walkoff hero. Cecil refused to leave his restroom sanctuary until he was finally coaxed out by frustrated Red manager Pete Manown. The promise of two Moon Pies did the trick. After the game Cecil candidly admitted to the national ESPN crew that he actually went into hiding because of Bobby Watkins‘ pregame rant about shoddy outfield defense in prior games. Fearing Bobby’s reputation for debt collecting violence, Cecil headed for the head.
The Red‘s one-sided victory was even more noteworthy because it came about without the bats of the Absent Big Three, aka Henry Rumble, Troy Jackson and Rod Ellis. While the latter two remain incommunicado, Henry confided that he watched the entire game on ESPN 2 and lit 14 candles for his “boys“ while downing 7 Schlitz Malt Liquors and later accidentally swallowing a tin of Red Man Chewing Tobacco.
None of the usual suspects felt up to the pressure of being a Red replacement player, so Pete resorted to his bottom fishing tricks and lured Larry “Adolf“ Enzweiler out of early retirement. Still smarting from the false promise of sauerkraut, sausage and dumplings during his last stint with the Reds, Larry nevertheless succumbed to his love of softball. This proved to be a brilliant managerial move, as Larry contributed with three timely hits, stellar first base defense and his usual non-stop biting commentary. He also trashed the post game buffet, claiming the league is still not woke enough to stop discriminating against Germans.
Both Jeff’s – Shelby County Sewell and Singing Troubadour Tyler – had four hits, as did Old Faithful Frankie Latham. Ken McElroy, about to embark on another mid season sabbatical to parts unknown, had three hits, as did Bob Newton – who deserves all of our respect and admiration simply for playing under the sad circumstances of which we are all aware – Cindy Sewell and Wayne Sheets. Wayne‘s hits initially had his teammates believing that his eyesight had miraculously improved. This was unfortunately not the case, however, as he later confused Pete Manown with Beth Moore. As of press time it has not been determined which of those two was the most insulted.
Bobby Watkins, who along with Pete stroked two hits, nipped the plate just often enough to gain the victory. Unruffled by this success, Bobby bitched as usual about 1. his teammates’ lack of defense and clutch hitting; 2. the umpire; 3. the time of day; and 4. the weather. Asked by the press while he appeared to sulk after Cecil‘s walkoff hit, Bobby pulled no punches, stating “I’m supposed to be the hero around here!“
At the post game buffet a curious fan asked Jeff Sewell to what he attributed his recent hitting success. “It’s all because of my floppy white hat. I only take that baby off when I shower. It has also improved my school bus driving ability. I may have to find one for Cindy if she continues to whiff at the plate.“
The game was of secondary importance to Jeff Tyler. Jeff was accidentally spotted by a random music scout during his Tuesday picnic serenading. He is now on his way to Nashville with a recording contract in his pocket. Jeff has promised the team front row tickets when he opens for Ronnie Milsap in November.
The win righted the Red ship at the right time. The players disbanded fat and happy. Fat with Moon Pies and happy with the victory.
Herb McClure 8/18
August 18, 2022 (Liberty Park Field)
Fans straggled in with worried faces in the wake of Blue’s three-game losing streak. Handsome Herb was sanguine. “I know the fans on Twitter are callin’ for my ouster but we’re just goin’ through a streak a unfortunate outcomes. We had one of our best hitting games a the year last week and our defense has stayed solid. Things’ll turn around.”
The players didn’t inspire confidence. Several were bleary-eyed. John Woychak said “It’s not what ya think. I went out for a nice Italian dinner last night but the pasta was al mushy instead a al dente and I ate too much cause I didn’t haveta chew it. Then it laid in my stomach all night while I regretted the 150 bucks I spent for it. The Chianti had nothin’ to do with it.”
Bob Slanovits didn’t offer an explanation. He said his back was okay and he was ready to play. He kept saying he was ready except he was sitting in the stands with an Irish lassie. But he played well when he got to the field.
Jim Anderson followed his usual warmup routine and then rolled his first pitch to the plate. It was the first time all year he didn’t complain when the umpire called it flat. Halfway through the inning he waved the white flag. “When ya don’t have it ya gotta face reality.” Jim explained. “I know we got guys who can cover for me. That’s why we’re called a team.” Mike Richards came in to pitch, Larry Enzweiler, Dennis Horne and Anderson switched around and Blue held the Gold sluggers to 2 runs. Then Lovell, Richards, Bell, Enzweiler and Slanovits got hits and Kilgore got a walk and it was Blue 4, Gold 2 after the first.
Blue shut out Gold in the second and Holly Whitmire rifled a shot to center to start off Blue. Latham, Lovell, Kilgore, Bell, Enzweiler, and Slanovits followed with singles and Blue led 9 to 2 after the second.
Gold has a potent lineup and filled the bases for Dwight Thomas. Handsome Herb yelled at the outfielders, who were out on the warning track, to come in some. “Dwight’s not hittin’ the ball that far anymore.” he shouted just before Dwight hit the next pitch clear out of the stadium and halfway up the hill. John Woychak sat in the dugout holding his head when Blue came to bat. “Are we in the sixth inning yet?” he asked as Blue batted in the third. Dennis Horne hit a liner to center to lead off and Whitmire, Latham and Lovell followed with hits to score two. Blue 11, Gold 6 after three.
Gold went down quickly in the fourth and Blue scored three more on a walk by Richards and hits by Bell, Enzweiler, Horne and Whitmire. Blue 14, Gold 6. Then the Gold sluggers teed off again in the fifth and Dwight drove in two runs with a popup the Blue outfield had to run in from the warning track to pick up. Dwight laughed as he trotted to first. “Those big boppers make a lotta space for me,” he chortled. Blue scored one on hits by Lovell and Woychak and a sacrifice fly by Richards.
Neither team scored in the sixth. Mike Richards closed off the middle of the infield with his quick hands and Bell and Latham made good throws to first, helped by Horne’s scooper. Enzweiler got a hit but was stranded by fly balls, one of which was Horne’s hardest hit ball of the year. Blue took a 15 to 10 lead into the open seventh and the game ended Blue 15, Gold 11 after Bob Slanovits caught a long fly to left while he was falling to the ground. Blue hitters were 23 for 40 with two walks for a .575 batting average and .595 on-base percentage. Bill Lovell and Larry Enzweiler were four for four and Holly Whitmire was three for three and made a key catch in right field. Enzweiler and Mike Richards both drove in four runs.
Handsome Herb was glad the losing streak was over and the team’s record is back up to .500. “I always try to learn from the experiences of our players.’ he told the scribes after the game. “I won’t be puttin’ any mushy pasta on the buffet, but I may try the figs again.”
Henry Rumble 8/18
Homer Bluebomb: RASSA Tribune, August 16,2022
August 18, 2022 (Liberty Park Field)
Fans straggled in with worried faces in the wake of Blue’s three-game losing streak. Handsome Herb was sanguine. “I know the fans on Twitter are callin’ for my ouster but we’re just goin’ through a streak a unfortunate outcomes. We had one of our best hitting games a the year last week and our defense has stayed solid. Things’ll turn around.”
The players didn’t inspire confidence. Several were bleary-eyed. John Woychak said “It’s not what ya think. I went out for a nice Italian dinner last night but the pasta was al mushy instead a al dente and I ate too much cause I didn’t haveta chew it. Then it laid in my stomach all night while I regretted the 150 bucks I spent for it. The Chianti had nothin’ to do with it.”
Bob Slanovits didn’t offer an explanation. He said his back was okay and he was ready to play. He kept saying he was ready except he was sitting in the stands with an Irish lassie. But he played well when he got to the field.
Jim Anderson followed his usual warmup routine and then rolled his first pitch to the plate. It was the first time all year he didn’t complain when the umpire called it flat. Halfway through the inning he waved the white flag. “When ya don’t have it ya gotta face reality.” Jim explained. “I know we got guys who can cover for me. That’s why we’re called a team.” Mike Richards came in to pitch, Larry Enzweiler, Dennis Horne and Anderson switched around and Blue held the Gold sluggers to 2 runs. Then Lovell, Richards, Bell, Enzweiler and Slanovits got hits and Kilgore got a walk and it was Blue 4, Gold 2 after the first.
Blue shut out Gold in the second and Holly Whitmire rifled a shot to center to start off Blue. Latham, Lovell, Kilgore, Bell, Enzweiler, and Slanovits followed with singles and Blue led 9 to 2 after the second.
Gold has a potent lineup and filled the bases for Dwight Thomas. Handsome Herb yelled at the outfielders, who were out on the warning track, to come in some. “Dwight’s not hittin’ the ball that far anymore.” he shouted just before Dwight hit the next pitch clear out of the stadium and halfway up the hill. John Woychak sat in the dugout holding his head when Blue came to bat. “Are we in the sixth inning yet?” he asked as Blue batted in the third. Dennis Horne hit a liner to center to lead off and Whitmire, Latham and Lovell followed with hits to score two. Blue 11, Gold 6 after three.
Gold went down quickly in the fourth and Blue scored three more on a walk by Richards and hits by Bell, Enzweiler, Horne and Whitmire. Blue 14, Gold 6. Then the Gold sluggers teed off again in the fifth and Dwight drove in two runs with a popup the Blue outfield had to run in from the warning track to pick up. Dwight laughed as he trotted to first. “Those big boppers make a lotta space for me,” he chortled. Blue scored one on hits by Lovell and Woychak and a sacrifice fly by Richards.
Neither team scored in the sixth. Mike Richards closed off the middle of the infield with his quick hands and Bell and Latham made good throws to first, helped by Horne’s scooper. Enzweiler got a hit but was stranded by fly balls, one of which was Horne’s hardest hit ball of the year. Blue took a 15 to 10 lead into the open seventh and the game ended Blue 15, Gold 11 after Bob Slanovits caught a long fly to left while he was falling to the ground. Blue hitters were 23 for 40 with two walks for a .575 batting average and .595 on-base percentage. Bill Lovell and Larry Enzweiler were four for four and Holly Whitmire was three for three and made a key catch in right field. Enzweiler and Mike Richards both drove in four runs.
Handsome Herb was glad the losing streak was over and the team’s record is back up to .500. “I always try to learn from the experiences of our players.’ he told the scribes after the game. “I won’t be puttin’ any mushy pasta on the buffet, but I may try the figs again.”
Peter Manown 8/12
The ESPN crew members were high fiving one another in ecstasy after the walk off run scored with two outs in the bottom of the 8th inning. The first nationally televised RASSA softball game offered something for everyone. There was enough non-sports drama to excite even the most casual fan. The game provided unrelenting entertainment – an unbelievable comeback and/or meltdown, excellent offense and dazzling defense (frequently offset by a comedy of errors), crime and punishment, a near mid game brawl and international intrigue.
The game statistics speak for themselves. The visiting Reds, coming off an apparently useless bye week, lost 18-17 after blowing an 8 run lead in the seventh inning. Cecil Kwong powered the Red offense with 4 hits. Ken McElroy, Frankie Latham, Bobby Watkins, Rod Ellis, Pete Manown and replacement player Ed Girard each had 3 hits. Wayne Sheets extended his games-with-at-least-one-walk streak and added a hit as well. Each of the Sewells chimed in with a hit. Bob Newton, who gets credit for the hardest hit ball of the day, was robbed several times by the Gold defenders. So much for the nuts and bolt details of the game. The side events provided much more entertainment.
First off, manager Pete Manown spent the morning at the Vestavia Hills jail negotiating the release of star centerfielder Cecil Kwong. Cecil was nabbed by the vice police at his Tuesday game and charged with producing and distributing pornography. It seems that an undercover vice squad officer was not pleased to be offered an autographed picture of Cecil‘s groin injury. Cecil avoided an embarrassing perp walk by sprinting to the patrol car, but unfortunately retweaked his injury in the process.
Secondly, gentleman pitcher Bobby Watkins, normally the epitome of cool, calm collectivism, went berserk when the umpire chastised him once too often for tampering with the pitching net. Moreover, Bobby was frustrated at his own difficulties nipping the plate, which was something for which he could this time not blame his teammates. Quickly donning his commissioner hat, Ed Girard rushed in to separate the would-be combatants. Ed promptly displayed his Kennesaw Mountain Landis side by suspending Bobby for two weeks and banning him to France to collect overdue fees from two RASSA fugitives. Storming to the parking lot while pulling his little wagon behind him, Bobby turned and yelled “I’ve been punished worse than this before. Besides, I like collection work better than softball and I prefer escargot and foie gras to Brunswick stew and fried green tomatoes. And by the way, I’m refusing to accept the Bob Hunter Award!“
Congratulatory texts poured into ESPN from all 50 states and American Samoa. Henry Rumble texted that he missed all but the last two innings because he was engrossed in reading War and Peace at the beach. He noted that this would be a good title for many of the RASSA game reports. Jeff Tyler watched the game from sick bay. He texted that he jumped out of bed and fractured his good ankle while rooting for the umpire to move the pitching net back to its proper position.
Tune in next week for more of our continuing soap opera.
Herb McLure 8/11
August 11, 2022 (Liberty Park Field)
Fans cheered as Dennis Horne and Jim Anderson drove up the stadium ramp. Thursday Blue had everything it needed to go up against a formidable Green. Frank Latham was a last minute substitution for Chuck Killough who was on a mission of mercy, and Ed Girard stepped in for Bob Slanovits who injured his back. “I’m not sayin’ what I did to my back because it’s too gruesome. I just need some time off for rehab.” Slanovits said as he lolled in the hot tub.
Herman Bell turned to the crowd. “I’m plannin’ to win a golf tournament next week which’ll qualify me for a big tournament in Miami in September so the team’ll be without me for a few games. I won’t get in any trouble though because my wife told me she was goin’ with me as soon as she heard about it. In fact, now she says she’s goin’ whether I win the tournament or not. Maybe I shouldn’t a told her.”
Lovell, Woychak and Kilgore opened the game with three hits and two runs. A chill ran through the crowd when they saw the Green sluggers stride to the plate. Blue’s outfield was driven to the fence but kept the balls in play and held Green to two. Then Blue exploded for five in the second on hits by Horne, Anderson, Whitmire, Girard, Latham and Kilgore. Jim Anderson took another second inning trip to the locker room and Mike Richards came in to pitch and shut out Green in the bottom of the inning and Blue took a 7 to 2 lead into the third.
Anderson returned to the dugout relieved. “It was those darn figs on the buffet. Us old guys can only manage so much fiber, but I’m ready now.”
Blue couldn’t get a runner past second in the top of the third and held Green to two in the bottom. Then Blue didn’t get anyone past first in the fourth and Green’s murderer’s row came to bat. Balls flew to the outfield and Blue held them to four only because of a hustle play by Whitmire in right field who cut down a confused Wayne Graham at second. “I try to hustle on every play,” Holly explained later, “and Wayne is often confused, so it worked out.”
Woychak, Richards, Bell and Horne got hits in the fifth to score two, but Green bats were hot now. Kilgore explained. “We haveta play those guys all the way back to the fence because that’s where they can hit ‘em but that leaves a ton a room in front of us for line drives and popups to fall into. Only Ken Ray’s ball went outta the park, but we were fielding a lot of balls out by the warning track.” Green scored four and led 12 to 9 after five.
Girard, Latham, Woychak, and Kilgore got hits and Lovell walked to score three for Blue in the sixth and the game was tied at 12. But not for long. Green scored four more on towering shots and only fine catches by Whitmire in deep right got Blue out of the inning. Green 16, Blue 12 at the end of six.
Dennis Horne got a walk in the open seventh. He was the only Blue player to get on base and the game ended Green 16, Blue 12. Blue hitters were 19 for 38 with four walks for a .500 team batting average and a .548 on base percentage. Frankie Latham, John Woychak and Tom Kilgore all had three hits and Tom led the team with three RBIs.
Handsome Herb looked worried. “We played good defense but we didn’t get enough hits. We’re a solid offensive team but the last few games we haven’t strung our hits together often enough and now we have a three-game losing streak and have fallen to five wins and six losses for the season. I took the figs off the buffet ‘cause I was afraid they were depletin’ our strength. There’s french fries and bratwurst featured today, real American food. Maybe that’ll do the trick.”
REL 8/11
barked the newspaper vendors at the street and avenue corners throughout the boroughs of liberty park
REL 8/4
paul simon’s song sums up todays game between commander vanderford’s gold nuggets and david fergusson’s green meanies
Thursday Blue fans filled the stands and a steady hum of anticipation filled the air as they chattered. Blue players stretched and jogged along the sidelines while pitcher Jim Anderson warmed up on the bench. “Veterans like me don’t haveta run around and stretch and throw a lotta balls to get ready. In fact, if I ran around and stretched somebody’d haveta carry me off the field. Walkin’ out to the mound is all I need.”
Herman Bell finally returned from quarantine. “Covid took a lot outta me. Some days I never wanted to get outta my chair. But I’m full strength now and ready to hit some line drives.”
Handsome Herb looked worried. “We’ve lost Joey Johnson for the year. He got a better offer to coach a team a midgets, but first he’s gotta teach ‘em the alphabet. I asked why he wants to make the change and he said the pay’s better and besides, it ain’t that much different than hangin’ around with the Blue.”
Blue batters were hot and scored ten in the first two innings. Chuck Killough led off the game with a single followed by Lovell and Woychak’s singles and Kilgore’s double. Herman Bell drove in two with a sharp single and Enzweiler’s fielder’s choice and Tyler’s single set up Dennis Horne’s RBI hit for five in the first. Then Anderson and Whitmire led off the second with hits and Killough, Lovell, Woychak, Kilgore and Mike Richards drove in five more runs highlighted by Lovell’s triple.
Meanwhile, Sky Blue scored four in the first but were shut out in the second. Blue 10, Sky Blue 4 after two innings.
Bell led off the Blue third with a hit but got wiped out on a double play ball. A fly ended the inning, three up, three down. Sky Blue came to life in the third and scored five despite outstanding outfield play by Tom Kilgore. Blue 10, Sky Blue 9 after three.
Neither team scored in the fourth. Dennis Horne and Jim Anderson started the inning with hits but a fielder’s choice and two fly balls ended it. Blue’s defense was solid.
Tom Kilgore’s speed got Blue a run in the fifth. He stretched a single into a double and scored on Mike Richards followup single, but a double play ended the inning. Sky Blue got two on big hits by ringers to tie the game at 11 after five.
Dennis Horne got Blue’s only hit in the sixth, but no Blue runners reached second. Sky Blue got hot. Jim Anderson cramped up digging a Gatorade out of the ice chest and had to come out of the game. Larry Enzweiler stepped in to pitch for the first time all year and settled in after a few batters. But Sky Blue was dropping in hits and Blue never did get anyone out.
Sky Blue led by five going into the seventh, but Blue had the top of its batting order coming up. Chuck Killough led off with a hit and Lovell hit a shot up the middle, where Sky Blue’s ringer shortstop was waiting. Two quick outs. Blue doesn’t quit on any game though, and Woychak, Kilgore, Richards, Bell and Enzweiler all hit singles to score two and put the tying runs on base. It was not Blue’s day though and a long fly ended the game, Sky Blue 16, Blue 13.
Blue hitters had a good day, going 27 for 41 with no walks for a .658 batting average and on base percentage. Tom Kilgore and Herman Bell were four for four and Dennis Horne was three for three. Mike Richards and Herman Bell each had three RBIs.
The clubhouse was subdued. The buffet was piled high with figs that got ripe this week, but nobody was eating them. “I thought the figs’d be a big hit cause they’re cold and sweet and have plenty a fiber.” Handsome Herb was talking to the scribes. “As these guys get older I’m always tryin’ to feed’em plenty a fiber so they don’t get all clogged up. But they keep goin’ for the hot dogs. I hope everything comes out okay.”
Anderson and Whitmire were talking while they waited for their massages. “We gotta be careful in the outfield.” Holly said. “There’s a new giant ant around that likes to sneak up your pant leg and start bitin’ you when you can’t get at ‘em. I don’t wanta see any a you guys droppin’ your pants to get at an ant. What I already see out here is bad enough.”
Mike Richards was looking in the mirror. “I was worried about my hair so I went to my doctor. He checked me out and said I had a case of balderdash. I looked it up in the medical dictionary and found out my hairline’s receding.”
Henry Rumble 8/3/2022
Homer Bluebomb: RASSA Tribune, August 2,2022
too much shakespeare reading has caused the offense to be “much ado about nothing”
which was written in 1598;424 yrs later it has be fallen upon the skyers
Peter (rubbing it in) Manown 7/28/2022
The unstoppable Reds continued their torrid and relentless race to the Thursday crown by annihilating their Green-with-envy opponents 10-3. Commissioner turned ump Ed Girard mercifully decreed the game over after 6 innings in order to spare the Greens further embarrassment.
Once again, every Red batter had at least one hit. Ken “henceforth call me ‘Jacques’ ” McElroy, fresh off a two week sabbatical in – ahem – Gay Pareé, slashed 3 hits, as did Bob Newton and Frankie Latham. Jeff Tyler, Henry Rumble, Cindy Sewell and Pete Manown accounted for 2 hits apiece.
Even without stalwarts Troy Jackson and Cecil Kwong, the Red offense took no prisoners. Cecil did manage to attend the game and watched the action from his motorized wheelchair. He later told the curious press that his unfortunate pickleball injury was “just one of those things.” His clandestine attempt to lure RASSA players to his new pickleball league was destined to flop due to the extent of his ghastly groin injury that he proudly showed all interested parties.
Speaking of injuries, Henry Rumble, battered and bruised from a one-man collision with the infield dirt in the 9 AM game, somehow managed to nevertheless roam right field like a young colt. Kudos for your valor, Henry.
Bobby Watkins hit like a pitcher today, but as usual had multiple unrealistic excuses for each of his outs. Bobby has yet to pitch a losing game since joining the Reds and is highly valued by his new teammates. All concur that his main value is the trove of goodies he conceals in his little wagon until “the time is right to pass them out“. Several of his teammates are expecting Bobby to gift them with pickup trucks at the end of the season.
The two Jeffs, Tyler and Sewell, played their usual stellar outfield defense. The normal every game outfield collision was narrowly avoided when Jeff T. deftly snatched a fly from the glove of Jacques. Jeff later explained that he failed to understand Jacques‘ “I got it“ in French. Jeff S. decided at some point that he had been upstaged one time too many by his wife Cindy. He thus caused her to drop a routine fly ball by screaming “catch that ball and you’re walking back to Harpersville!“ Cindy obligingly let the ball drop.
Rod Ellis edged Henry for the guttiest performance of the day just by showing up. Neither wind, rain, sleet, hail or heath problems can keep a true Red down – right, Cecil? Rod saved his fellow infielders from several errors with his long stretches and smooth glove work at first base. Wayne Sheets was Mr. Reliable as usual behind the plate and extended his streak of consecutive games with at least one walk.
The mood at the post game buffet was understandably upbeat. The players refused to let Jeff Tyler quit singing until we’ll after dark. Realizing that he was almost late for his midnight gig at a Mountain Brook bachelorette party, Jeff finally had to impersonate Willie Nelson and break up the festivities with Turn out the Lights, the Party’s Over The Reds have a well-deserved bye next week, so the post game celebration is unlikely to cause permanent damage.
REL
as i was late to the party,larry started in my place today, as commander vanderford’s gold nuggets took on ex commissioner to be ed giraud’s traveling all star sky blue bad of brothers led by all world tom wasmer
Henry Rumble 7/26
Homer Bluebomb: RASSA Tribune, July 26, 2022
Rel 7/26
it wasn’t in manilla but todays game was a thrill-a
Peter Manown 7/21/2022
Silhouetted against a gray July sky, the Red eleven continued their victory roll (apologies to Grantland Rice and The Four Horsemen of Notre Dame)! In this crucial battle for first place the Reds took full advantage of Blue manger Handsome Herb‘s Covid-induced absence and displayed their bat and glove prowess in each inning except the error-riddled fourth. The 17-10 score was not closer than it looks.
It should be noted that Handsome Herb attempted to disguise himself before the game so that he could play his usual managerial tricks from the dugout. His Groucho Marx nose/mustache mask was alertly spotted by RASSA health enforcement officer Beth Moore, who promptly banished him to the scorekeeper box for the duration of the game.
Once again, each of the Red batters had at least one hit save for eagle eye Wayne Sheets who walked three times. Wayne later explained to the press that he prefers to stroll to first base in hot weather games. Frankie Latham and Jeff Sewell led the hit parade with 4 each, while Jeff “Guitar Man” Tyler, Cecil “King” Kwong, Bobby “Nolan Ryan for a Day” Watkins and substitute Ken “Phantom for a Last Name” __________ chimed in with 3 hits apiece.
The start of the game was delayed for several minutes until the arrival of the Harpersville police escort accompanying the Sewells. Cindy later explained that she and Jeff were honored earlier in the day and each given keys to the City of Harpersville in a ceremony attended by all 65 proud residents of their city. The cheering throng had to be forcefully removed from Highway 280 by baton-wielding volunteer firemen before the Sewells could depart for Liberty City, thus the late arrival.
Bob Newton made a successful return from the injured list, but Rod Ellis and Troy Jackson unfortunately took his place on this list. The prayers of the entire league go out to them.
Henry Rumble again manned first base with nimbleness and acrobatic ability. His full body stretch of an errant throw was the defensive highlight of the game. Prodded by the post game press, Henry modestly attributed his agility to the weekly Pilates course his wife June forces him to attend. Bobby Watkins likely set a modern day RASSA record by recording 5 strikeouts. This did not deter him, however, of continuing his pattern of loudly and profanely berating his teammates for every slight defensive miscue.
The Reds climb to first place was celebrated by all the players at the raucous post game buffet. While manager Pete Manown basked in the glow of his team’s accomplishments and humbly accepted congratulations from the media and assorted, he was too pumped up to accept the congratulatory phone call from President Biden. Guitar Man Tyler expressed the giddy feelings ok all concerned by leading his teammates in a stirring rendition of Queen’s “We are the Champions”.
Herb McLure 7/21/2022
July 21, 2022 (Liberty Park Stadium)
After last week’s sublime defensive gem, Thursday Blue saw the consequences of small mistakes in today’s loss to a hard-hitting Red team. Grounders not fielded cleanly, throws slightly off or late, a step in the wrong direction interspersed among solid hits kept Red rallies alive. Meanwhile, Bobby Watkins’ sky-high pitches bamboozled Blue hitters into swinging before the ball got down where they could hit it.
“As long as the umpire doesn’t call ‘em illegal I’m throwin’ “em as high as I can.” Bobby told reporters after the game. “Batters ain’t used to seein’ that and I can land ‘em right on the plate.” Blue hitters were 19 for 40 with only three walks in the game for a team batting average of .475.
Handsome Herb watched the game from a sky box. “We started out fine. We got 6 hits and 4 runs in the first inning after we shut Red out on sharp defense including Chuck’s diving catch of a Watkins line drive. Then Red showed us that every player they had on the field could hit and scored four to tie the game. After that, things went downhill.
”
Blue got two hits and a walk in the next two innings.
Blue got two quick outs on Red in the third but Red got a few hits and were helped by one of only two walks Jim Anderson gave up in the first six innings, to score three in the third. Holly Whitmire made a great hustle play on an overthrow at third to keep Bob Slanovits from scoring while the Red player watched from third base. Blue finally got out of the inning when Enzweiler went to his right to stop a grounder.
Then things really went bad in the fourth. Between Red hits, Blue fumbled a grounder, lost a popup in the sun, walked in a run, and broke the wrong way on a fly. Red scored five and led 12 to 4.
But Blue came back. Johnson, Anderson, Whitmire and Branin (subbing for Herman Bell) got hits, and were driven in by Branin, Killough, Lovell and Woychak. Red 12, Blue 8 after four innings.
The fifth was better on defense. Enzweiler scooped a throw at first and Chuck made a good throw to third for an out and Blue held Red to two. But then two hits and a walk went for zero and it was 14-8 after five.
Inning six was a regression that needs no analysis. Two grounders got under outfielders’ gloves, a fly ball got muffed, and a late throw let in three more Red runs. Blue scored two on hits by Killough, Lovell, Woychak, and Slanovits and a fielder’s choice by Kilgore. Red 17, Blue 10 after six.
The seventh was an afterthought. Red scored one. Blue got one hit and three outs. Red 18. Blue 10.
Handsome Herb was thoughtful. “Stuff happens. The outfielders haven’t let anything past them all year so I’m not gonna start worryin’ yet. Our team batting average was almost .600 for the first half of the year and we’ll start hittin’ again. We have good players at every position on defense. We have a bye next week so everybody can rest. Gas is down to $3.89 a gallon, which seems cheap. As Einstein said, everything’s relative.”
Henry Rumble 7.18
Homer Bluebomb: RASSA Tribune
Rel 7.18
dave and buster’s is a rockin restaurant dwelling on excitement,arcade games,live music and all sorts of fun and entertainment;well
Peter Manown 7/15/2022
The Red Tide awoke convincingly from its post-holiday slumber and unleashed a tsunami against the overconfident Sky Blue powder puffs. Tantalizing their bewildered opponents throughout the early innings, the mighty Crimson offense went into its Blitzkrieg mode in a fifth inning shock and awe display of softball sorcery.
Each of the eleven Red batters had at least one hit. Frankie Latham led the rout with four hits, while Cecil Kwong, Rod Ellis, Henry “I never take a tumble” Rumble and Jeff “Guitar Man” Tyler each chipped in with three hits.
The Red infield and outfield defense was airtight. Henry was a human vacuum cleaner at first while Frankie not only effortlessly caught everything hit to his vicinity, but was also a double play machine. Cindy Sewell made a mad dash across 3/4ths of the outfield and outfought charging Cecil Kwong to snare a rising line drive. Cindy later admitted to the assembled press that she mistakenly thought she was responsible for two outfield positions, because her better half, Jeff, skipped the game to practice how to put a school bus in reverse in less than 10 minutes. Rumor has it that Jeff is still trying to figure out how the gear shift works.
Three of the Red’s normal sluggers – Ken McElroy, Bob Newton and Troy Jackson – were absent. Ken is refreshing his bagpipe skills while modeling kilts in Scotland, Bob is nursing a minor injury and Troy was simply AWOL. However, manger Pete Manown to pull a rabbit out of his hat by recruiting two minor league stalwarts – Rel “Give ‘em Hell” Underwood and Bill “The Director” Lovell. Both were overwhelmed by their first taste of The Show. Nevertheless, Rel later insisted that his “Rally Cigarette” battle cry was instrumental in keeping the heat on the Powder Puffs. He modestly stated after the game that the only battle cry possibly in the same league as his was “Remember the Alamo”.
The battery of Bobby Watkins and Wayne Sheets excelled throughout the game. Bobby kept the Sky Blue batters guessing – if he would ever throw a strike. Wayne distracted them further with his constant off key whistling.
Bobby stunned his teammates by leaving the post game buffet early, as his helicopter had to clear the infield for the start of the 10:30 game. He waved to the cheering throng as his chopper circled the field three times. No one could understand why the crowd was cheering the Vegas Villain, but several of Bobby’s teammates could guess. This hunch was confirmed when Guitar Man Tyler belted out his own version of the Roy Clark classic “Thank God and Greyhound (S)he’s Gone”.